The familiar world collapsed at once. The husband, who promised to be together in grief and joy, suddenly announced to you that you could no longer be together. He just decided to leave, leaving you no chance to try to start all over again, turn the tide of events. The man whom you loved, with whom you planned to go hand in hand until the end of life, collected things and coldly threw goodbye: "I will file for divorce myself." Common situation? So, in the regiment of divorced women arrived.
All your attempts to revive the relationship ended, and not having time to start, and you most want to find the answer to the question: how to survive after a divorce? Well, let's try to start searching together.
Get on the path to a happy life
It is likely that as hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of girls and women in such a situation, for a few days you just lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling, and thinking about your unfulfilled fate. “My whole life has been connected with him, but now it is not there, it means that there is no life either,” you argued, turning the pillow wet from tears. Every phone call, from a doorbell, hoping that it was HE, were in shock at every passer-by looking for HIS, and when opening the door, they saw a neighbor, they heard a girlfriend’s voice in the receiver, indifferent passersby were different from the one you are looking for, your tantrums resumed with the same force.
Perhaps you even turned to a professional psychologist for help, but this visit did not bring the expected immediate positive results.
Well, it means that you are still at the beginning of the path to a new happy life. Slowly or quickly you will go this way - it depends on you. Understand: no one except you can help you - neither the best friend, nor mother, nor the neighbor. Only you yourself, as the famous Baron Munchhausen, can pull yourself out of the swamp called "divorce."
Give yourself time to speak out and cry
Tears - this is the body's natural reaction to negative, on external stimuli. When the time for crying, indicated by you, expires, when all your friends will listen to your story more than once, and sad thoughts will not leave your head, make a plan of action for yourself, and try to follow it at all costs. Fighting with yourself is the most difficult of all. Give yourself a setup: I will definitely be able to.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Until you do, do not even hope for success! You had time for reasoning about the unfortunate share, you used it for its intended purpose, now is the time to pull yourself together. Convince yourself that you do not want to see self-pity on the part of your acquaintances, relatives or colleagues. Of course, somewhere in the soul you long for others to feel sorry for you, to suffer with you. But understand, this compassion will not do you good, but will only once again reopen an already non-healing wound.
Tell everyone you know: "Yes, I have a difficult period in my life. But I will find the strength and cope. Now, more than ever, I need positive emotions, share them with me. "This advice is perhaps the most effective - when positive people are around you, the world involuntarily becomes brighter. And vice versa - always depressive, dull people (and you are a period of mental crisis), equally or later, will certainly face loneliness.
Take the situation for granted
In the world everything is harmonious and everything is not accidental. Do not look for reasons, explanations, do not delve into yourself, thinking about the fact that you did not give to your man. Before you have already happened fact given. You cannot change the situation, it means that all you have to do is change your attitude towards it. Look at your divorce from the other side. Think about the fact that it has opened up new horizons for you, new successes and achievements, new acquaintances, new perspectives. Do not refuse offers of Destiny, accept them. Whatever it cost you, let go of your ex-husband.
Love yourself and you will see others love you
Take care of yourself - make a manicure, change hair color, haircut, go on a diet, buy a gym membership, update your wardrobe. Waking up every morning, go to the mirror and say: "I am the most beautiful, I deserve happiness, and it will definitely find me." Believe it or not, mirrors can memorize our feelings, and even strengthen them, and then return them back. Load your mirror with a positive, save it from reflection in an old dressing gown and with spreading mascara under the eyes.
This means that if you do not have a job, look more actively at vacancies. If there is work, surrender to it completely, and in your free time do what was lacking in marriage, knitting, cultivating flowers, embroidery, macrame. Enjoy life!
Try to spend as little time alone
Take care of men and try not to compare them with the now ex-husband. Let now it seems to you that there is no better than your husband in the world. There is. Still as it is. A trip to the cinema or a walk in the park with an old or new acquaintance will only add to your self-confidence, your uniqueness and originality. Evening at a table in a cafe with a girlfriend will give you positive emotions, just give yourself a promise to follow the rule: to share feelings with your girlfriend and to feel sorry for yourself are completely different things.
The main thing - start to act
Do not let things take their course, build your life every day. Subsequently, when the storm subsides, your experience will turn into valuable advice that you can give to a person in a similar situation.
Remember that time heals
These are not empty words, this is a statement in which you will soon see for yourself. Remember that you are not the first and not the last woman whose life has changed so drastically. And each (!) Was able to survive this time, becoming strong and happy.
Divorce is an opportunity to work on yourself, your faults.. In the universe for each of us there is the second half. Just your time has not come yet, it is ahead. And when your time comes, you will be grateful to your ex-spouse for giving opportunity to drastically change your life for the better.
And how to build relationships further, read the articles Relationship with her ex-husband, How to live after a divorce ?.