And beautiful, and smart, and kind, but not married. Why? The time has not come yet - you answer. But what if loneliness is not a coincidence, but our unconscious choice? After all, such a life also has its advantages. Someone knows how unhappy their parents were in the family, and is afraid to repeat this scenario, someone is afraid of the pain of betrayal, someone believes that he will lose himself in love. And what are you holding on to?
Stereotypes about love
Acquaintances and friends are attacking from different angles: “Stop making excessive demands on everyone,” “Register better on a dating site,” “Stop waiting for a prince on a white horse — choose from what you have,” “Right — take your time, always have time to wear on the yoke, "" Your destiny will find you. " Conflicting advice from parents, colleagues, magazines, and blogs spills everywhere. And each has its own opinion. In fact, this just stereotypes that try to subordinate love to some rules, put it in a frame, break it into components, highlight conditions and causes. But love is not a mechanism. This is something inexplicable. So do not try to grasp it with your mind! Put aside love stereotypes. Forget about the norms and opinions of others and try to understand your true desires and dreams - this and only this will open your life of great and mysterious love.
Persuasion 1. "A man can not take my independence"
Anya - soon 30. She has always been focused on career, self-realization and success and today occupies one of the leading positions in the bank. Anya values her position and independence very much and believes that, having created a family, she will have to spend less time on her career. She is convinced that active and self-sufficient women "strain" men with their desire for leadership, perseverance, determination. It is difficult for her to learn how to adapt, give in, make a compromise. She considers herself demanding and strict - does a man endure this because he loves softness?
And now look at the situation from the outside: what prevents Anya from creating a happy family - the lack of strong men nearby or her own beliefs and stereotypes? Looks like the last. She is afraid of changing something in her life, losing her usual and stable lifestyle, so it’s easier for her to build impregnable walls around herself, convincing herself that family life is not for her, and loneliness is what you need.
Persuasion 2. "There are no like-minded men around me"
Jeanne changes men like gloves, but she is alone. In every man she finds something that does not correspond to her own worldview and even contradicts it. This is the cause of the gap. “I want to see a like-minded man next to me,” she says. - "But everything is not the same around: one is too keen on alcohol, the second is obsessed with work, the third is a homebody, the fourth is a brawler ...". In this spirit, she lists a dozen of her three disappointments.
And then the question naturally arises - does she want to find someone who is close to her? Maybe she is subconsciously afraid of this meeting, because it means that in this case she will have to abandon the image of a free lady who has the opportunity to choose and ask the price? And it's time to decide for yourself: who is my soul mate? At the same time, think in positive categories, that is, kind, sensitive, loving to travel, etc. But not in the opposite way: it does not smoke, does not drink, does not hit ... Remember that our subconscious mind does not perceive the particle "not", therefore it is the one who is "ordered" who comes to your life: who smokes and drinks and dissolves hands.
Persuasion 3. "I always think what my parents will say"
A hindrance in the search for love can be a situation where the girl is highly dependent on the opinions of the parents, no matter how old she is. And the matter is not in the parents themselves (although they also had a hand in this), but in herself. Choosing a partner for herself, she always wonders: "Will my father like him? After all, my father is resolute and active, and this man is not very energetic," "What will my mother say:" She earns little? Where will you live? "
And in this way, imperfections are granted to everyone who meets on the way. Here it is important to understand that parents may perceive their daughter’s chosen one not at all in the way she imagines, but based on her own convictions, desire to please and in no way disappoint mom and dad, she remains lonely. One way out - separate from the parental nest, start thinking and make decisions on your own, learn to put your own feelings and desires first.
Stay lonely or make room for love?
Beliefs, norms, attitudes go against the nature of love. Love has nothing to do with prudence, rules, control.. The story of each love is unique and unrepeatable, so universal recipes are no good here, they just block the flow of our inner light and drown out the inner voice. And then we deny love the opportunity to come into our lives.
Love can not fit where already tightly - in the realm of stereotypes. Ready solutions give confidence. And love makes it grow, it knocks you down, and if you do not spread your wings and don’t surrender to the flow of wind, you will fall. This is a risk. Love knocks us out of the usual rut of life and gives us a chance to see everything in a different light. It gives the ability to wonder, discover, commit madness. Ask yourself: what do I really want? And act!
If you chose love ...
If you decide to love and be loved, release all attitudes to freedom, clear your mind of beliefs. This is useless knowledge, they destroy. It is possible to achieve inner harmony alone, but when two energies unite in one flow - male and female - this makes it possible to open up to both and become truly happy.. In the face of an inexplicable mystery of love, tell yourself: "Since there are no laws in love and no one understands it - forward, with an open heart and joy in the eyes!". And fall in love - freely, boldly, immensely, forgetting everything else!