In life, every person has moments associated with the loss of loved ones, relatives or just familiar people. And in the process of parting, despite the declared feeling of loss, we must offer condolences about death - the words are short but succinctly folded and enable all those present to feel the depth of the loss.
Condolent - sincerely worried
The depth of the emotional state that accompanies the loss can interfere and limit the possibility of sincere experiences. A great desire to cheer and somehow alleviate the suffering of others often puts us in a situation where anxiety impedes the choice of the right words, and we slide into common phrases that can sometimes even hurt. And a person who needs support and sympathy hears clumsy formalized speech.
The sincerity of expressing condolences lies in transferring a part of oneself to support loved ones in a sad hour, in consolation and empathy in the visited mountain. That is why it is so important to choose the right phrases - delicate, capacious, but at the same time brief.
How not to go beyond morality?
The question of the relevance of condolences is quite relevant. The moment of expression of sympathy is in no way inferior to the importance of words. Practically every person who needs to express participation in grief, is prone to think about the timely handling of support, perception of his words. Lack of experience, fear of seeing the face of death, strained relations with the departed do not add determination and only aggravate the situation. The person is lost and just does not know how to behave.
Ignorance of the rules of etiquette in such cases raises many questions:
- When can I call?
- Is it better to write or come directly to yourself?
- Before or after the funeral to express condolences?
Despite internal turmoil, one needs to come or call if there is a firm feeling in the necessity of this, as well as confidence that support will ease the suffering of the person and help him survive a difficult period. Even if the departed was not the best friend, words of encouragement will help his relatives, and support is very necessary, including from outsiders, in the case when a person mourns, is lonely and requires protection. Excessive shyness is unacceptable.
Sincerity and the desire to help, as well as support in a difficult moment is important, and if the condolences are accepted coldly, all the same obligations to your own conscience will be fulfilled. If the misfortune has come to the house of a loved one, you need to call or meet as soon as the sorrowful message is received. Just familiar solidarity in grief can be expressed in the first days after the funeral. Later condolence for death requires a monosyllabic justification. This is for the grieving.
It is worth saying that one should not utter the words of condolences about death in verse, even briefly. The construction of the better to leave for the epitaph, and in the hours of farewell to the deceased poetry will be inappropriate.
What is not worth talking about in grief?
Formal phrases should be avoided. Using them, speaking in the eyes of a person who has suffered a loss, will look callous. Consider common errors:
- You should not cause guilt feelings in a grieving person for his condition to calm down, stop mourning or shed tears, as they will give him confidence that his loss is not appreciated.
- It is not necessary to express condemnation of the deceased with the words that it was not worth doing anything, since this was the cause of death. Death absorbs all errors, both obvious and not.
- Do not downplay the loss. You can not take away from a person who has lost a loved one, the right to mourn the dead.
- Do not make comparisons with someone experienced a similar loss, even though with himself. These words can only cause irritation, because nothing can compare with personal sadness about a deceased loved one.
- Do not elicit the circumstances or causes that led to the loss. For this there is no place in the tribulation.
- In the minutes of parting, do not be distracted by extraneous topics.
Often, even a silent presence will suffice, because in times of trouble and sorrow we all need support and sympathy. Staying alone with grief is very hard and just unbearable.
How to find the right words when writing condolences?
Expressing your feelings and finding the right words is difficult. Nevertheless, such a demonstration of love and respect can bring great comfort to the bereaved. Letters of condolence are often kept for many years and read them again and again. The purpose of their writing is to show respect for the deceased and support for the bereaved. Such a letter should go from the heart and be rather brief, contain personal memories of the deceased, expressed simply and sincerely.
The text must recognize the loss, but do not dwell on the causes of death. Condolences must come from the depths of the soul. I must say about the relationship that connects you with the departed, about your sense of loss and irreplaceable loss. Share your own memories of a dead person, describe a personal story telling about what you liked about him. Highlight one of his strengths or qualities.
Offer your help and support. You need to be specific and not give promises that you can not fulfill. Express your condolences to other family members. Completing the letter is necessary expression of love and support.
Below is an example of writing a letter of condolence to a colleague's wife:
I'm so sorry to hear about the tragic death of your husband. [The name] was a source of inspiration for all who knew him, and the news of his death shook us. I understand that you must feel. Of all our team, he was the most experienced and diligent employee, while maintaining natural modesty. Many of our achievements are directly related to the activities of [Name]. He will be sorely missed by colleagues and friends. My thoughts are with you and your family. With deep condolences. [Name]".
Examples of short condolences:
- “When we lose a loved one here on earth, we get an angel in heaven who always sees us. Can you find solace in the fact that you have an angel who is watching you right now? We / I express our / my most sincere condolences. "
- "The person who leaves this earth does not really go anywhere, because he is still alive in our hearts and minds. Please accept my / our condolences and know that he / she will not be forgotten."
- "May our Lord bless and comfort you and your family at this time of sorrow. Please accept my / our sincere condolences."
- "Accept our / my condolences and just know that we / I are always open for you, and please do not hesitate to ask for any help, especially during this difficult time."
- "I / we cannot even imagine what you are feeling now, but would like to offer our prayers and condolences to you and your family."
- "At this difficult time in your life, may my / our sympathy and sincere condolences help you."
- "I / we express our sincere condolences and sorrow to you."
- "At this difficult time in your life, we / I ask God to give you the strength necessary to go through this test. Know that you are in our / my thoughts and prayers."
However difficult and sorrowful it may be for the loss, it is necessary to express your sincere words of condolences over the death and empathy to your grief to your close, family, and acquaintances, because it is a tribute to the departed in a better world.