You have been living with a man for a long time, you have serious intentions on him and would like to have children in the near future, not necessarily in the near future, but in principle I would like to. Only for some reason, when you start a conversation with him on this topic, he in every possible way denies the idea of becoming a father, giving a bunch of arguments against it. Maybe your favorite supports a new fashionable trend -childfree. Childfries advocate a conscious rejection of the desire to have children. Let's see what reasons may underlie such a belief.
Fear of responsibility
At the base of some reluctance, there is always some kind of fear. Of course, no man will ever tell you that he is simply afraid of becoming a father. Fears, because it is a change in life, the emergence of responsibilities and the restriction of free time.
He is simply afraid that he will not cope with all this, and there will be no turning back. Often, men cite the reason for not wanting to have a child - these are financial difficulties, which, in his opinion, are a decisive argument in his unwillingness. But this can convince him, explaining that you can just properly plan the family budget, and besides the main difficulties fall on the first two years, and then the child grows up and does not require so much attention to himself as in the first years. Tell him that you are also afraid of pregnancy, childbirth, the fact that you cannot cope with raising a baby, so he will see that he is not alone in his fears. In addition, the main part of the care of the baby will fall on your shoulders, and its task will be to help you and support.
Fear of uncertainty
Thinking about a child, you draw in your head pictures of a happy family life, and your man on the contrary imagines scary pictures of sleepless nights, constant crying and eternal worries about the child. Men are afraid of this unknown, because, in their opinion, it threatens them with imminent danger. Yes, at the birth of a child, not everything is always smooth, but the happy moments compensate the bad ones much. Children give us moments of joy when they begin their first steps, speak the first words or joyfully run towards us. Tell your man that once your child will call him dad, he will teach men affairs to men, and the girl will be his beauty, and indeed if the children delivered us only sleepless nights, then there would be millions of childfreeds around the world.
Loss of freedom
How does a man love freedom and consider it, almost the most important component of life, and here you decide to take it away completely from him. The fact that you only seem to be a temporary inconvenience for a man is a complete disaster. He thinks that he will no longer be able to meet with friends at any time, will not be able to freely manage finances, but in reality it will be so. You must explain that at birth, you will have to limit yourself for a while, but immediately add that this is a temporary restriction, and no one is going to limit it at all. You can simply discuss his duties in advance so that as far as possible he will always try to help you. Also tell that it is possible that he is now so tuned, and with the advent of the child he will want to spend time and lisp with him. But if such conversations only cause discontent, then think about whether he loves anyone in this life except himself?
We all know that there is a mother's instinct, but is there a father's instinct? For example, when a woman walks past the playgrounds and sees a cute baby, her heart contracts and I want to hug him right there. The man does not experience such emotions and just dryly expresses his emotions with the words: “the child is crying,” “the children are playing,” without experiencing any emotions in the soul. A woman by nature has a desire to be a mother and protect her child, while a man has slightly different instincts, therefore he does not feel such a keen desire to continue the race. What to do with it? Nothing, it is absolutely normal, a man may not have any feelings until the birth of a child, it happens that even looking at his tiny child he is not overflowed with a feeling of love for him. All men are different, someone is immediately moved by their child, and someone takes time to love him and realize that he is a father. To prepare a man for the birth of a child, sometimes try to arrange communication with young children, or even ask someone of mutual acquaintances to make him a godfather, because maybe he is holding someone else’s child who thinks he wants to care for his baby
When a man utters the phrase "I am not ready to have a child," then try to find out what exactly you are not ready for. Most often, he is not ready for change, and perhaps he is simply not sure of you as of a future mother. In this case, only time, your love and patience will help you cope with this problem. Do not forget that any man, no matter how strong he may seem, is in his heart a little boy who is afraid of much and is waiting for your support. But if, despite all your arguments and tricks, your man remains adamant in this matter and does not want to have children, think, but do you really need such a man?
Especially for womeninahomeoffice.com - Natella