It is believed that a man should always be a leader, and therefore seek the girl you like, for example, to prove in a fight with a rival that he is better. Since childhood, my mother always told us that the strength of a man in his character and the first role in a relationship always belong to him, so a girl should modestly wait for action from him and only then make shy steps towards her.
During the period of courtship, a young man should show signs of attention, fulfill the whims of his princess, in general, do whatever the young lady wants. And at any moment she can build a disgruntled mine and declare that if he does not do everything she wants, she will go to another more caring gentleman. Some kind of discrimination, isn't it?
These beliefs actually came to us from past centuries, when girls really were the weaker sex and waited for real knights, but do they suit modern and sometimes independent ladies? Let's understand why there is a conviction, if a man does not fight for a girl, then he does not love.
How effective is this psychology?
Surely you are a successful and confident girl, but as soon as you hear the phrase: " if a man does not want a girl - he does not love her", then you just throw up your hands and can't argue against anything. But can you even define what a phrase means to achieve a girl? Maybe you imagine pictures of how he militantly cracks down on all the fans, proving that he is the strongest male or your porch throws millions of scarlet roses, but you forget that your man is not a professional boxer at all, and his salary does not allow him to buy expensive gifts.
Or here is a more vital example, you swear with your beloved, and on the mutual initiative, and you part. You are sitting and waiting for a reconciliation step from him, not because he is more to blame, but why? Because he is a man and everyone around you echoes that he must seek you. Only you forget that men also have pride (and sometimes even in larger quantities than ours) through which they do not like to overstep. Or do you need a man-rag, who will run to you at the first call, like a dog? You have to define.
And here you sit waiting, when he comes to be reconciled, but he does not come and you think that since he does not fight for your love, then you don’t need such a man. And you start searching for another man, but it turns out that the following do not surpass your ex in anything, because there are no ideals. And in general, we have fewer men than they can not be so easy to throw around, if you constantly put obstacles in his way and demand initiative, he will find another one with which he will be more comfortable. So believe me, this kind of psychology is simply ineffective in the 21st century! You must understand that relationships are always built by two people, and if you yourself don’t invest anything in building your home relationship, then no matter how strong a man is, your house will fall apart under the weight of any obstacle.
When you truly love, you will try to make your lover pleasant, and not wait for only you to be sought. But if my words have not yet convinced you, and you are still going to wait for the initiative from the man sitting on the couch, then I wish you good luck ... and patience for several years ahead at least!
Put yourself in the shoes of a man
Have you thought about why this is happening? Women fought for their independence for a very long time, sought gender equality, but now that equality has come, something does not suit us again. And now let's take a look at it from the side of a man.
From birth, a man has a lot of responsibilities: to protect his mother and sister, then seek his girlfriend, earn a lot of money, build a house, raise a son, the list goes on and on. This is for us the weaker sex can, in case of failure, hide in a corner and cry, and for a man it is a shame and a shame. No, I don’t want to free a man from his duties and place him on a par with a woman. Not at all, I just want you to imagine that sometimes men have a very hard time in this world, and here you are also to it, to get me and that's it, and I will see how you do it.
But since we so defended the equality of males and females, then the men can now be a little less decisive and not always the first to take the initiative. It is not at all humiliating, first to write a man, to invite for a date, to give a compliment, to be the first to kiss or first to go to reconciliation.
Yes, of course it's nice to see when a man pays attention to you, cares about you and expresses his feelings. But if he does not act as you want, it does not give you the right to say that he does not love you and does not do anything for relationships. This position is very selfish. A man does something, tries to please you (rarely, but tries), and you only make claims to him, so he will no longer have a desire to do something.
If something does not suit you, sit down and calmly talk to him, without presenting ultimatums, say that you want a little more attention, surely he will understand and hear you. Well, if even after such a conversation his attitude does not change, then you will either accept him as he is or look for a new man, because it is difficult to change an adult. And do not forget to sometimes give in to your beloved, he will definitely appreciate it.