Problem raising difficult children, today is one of the most relevant. Because every year the number of "difficult children" increases several times. They steal, use drugs and alcohol, run away from home, or do not leave the house, spending many hours in front of computers or televisions. Previously, most of the "difficult children" were teenagers, now they also include children aged 7-10 years.
Who can be considered a "difficult child"?
"Difficult child"- this is most often a person without parental love, affection, support, as a result, the psychological state of the child weakens, is not formed in a normal way. In the soul of such children there is a feeling of helplessness, rejection, uselessness, which leads to the development"inferiority complex".In such a situation, self-defense involuntarily works, the need for self-affirmation is formed, in most cases in the wrong ways. But no one has explained to these children how to deal with this or that situation, how to deal with difficulties and solve problems. The main motivation of the activity of "difficult children" is to attract attention, to achieve love, support, understanding, compassion. American psychologistR. Drakeusso interpreted the goals of this behavior, to which, unaware, children aspire:
- demand of attention or comfort;
- the desire to show their power or demonstrative disobedience;
- revenge, retribution;
- confirmation of its inconsistency and inferiority (in addition to achieving the above goals, the destructive experience of its own "worthlessness" itself may be the goal of bad behavior).
Such children are prone to egocentrism, split personality, heightened sensitivity, improper susceptibility. They try to achieve their goal in various ways: rudeness, extraordinary appearance, non-standard actions that frighten and shock parents, teachers, educators, etc. Adults have a fear that they will not cope with such children, they will seem ridiculous or helpless.
"Difficult children"in most cases are selfish, which leads to his spiritual catastrophe. Such a child is not ready to communicate with society, he withdraws into himself, not giving himself the opportunity to develop and form. Such children do not notice the damaging effects of their behavior, they do not hear advice, recommendations, instructions, they do not distinguish what is "bad", what is "good", do not accept the help of adults.
What are the main complaints of parents?
About95%parents usually complain that they no longer understand their children, there are constant conflicts, their school teachers began to complain about the increased aggressiveness, or simply they do not like the circle of their children. Parents develop fear due to the frequent mood swings of children, their psychological impermanence. They are afraid of losing control over them.
How to help "difficult children"?
In order to help "difficult" children, there is a special pedagogical approach, which is called "vital activity". The educators in this method are not only school teachers, or the parents of the child, but special people who are capable of compassion, experiencing, tolerance for the problems of children, good attitude towards the child. The teacher must enter his life as a Friend, a person to whom he can trust in everything, to whom he will be able to fully open up, to talk about his problems and worries. It is no coincidence that St. Basil the Great said: "If you want to educate others, bring up yourself first in God." Personal experience of overcoming difficulties, self-improvement, becoming on the right path of life, will help to restore the depleted soul of the child. The goal will be achieved not by pedagogical pressure, but by love.
The teacher must understand the problem of the child, understand his mental conflict, and without any ridicule, give him advice and guidance. The child, in his communication with the teacher, must feel comfortable, as a result of which he will dare to embark on a difficult rehabilitation path, relying on the help of his faithful"Friend".Have"difficult"child should appear "manipulator", prompting him to self-improvement
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At the first stage of recovery, when the child himself feels that he has begun to free himself from the "feeling of inferiority", that he is loved, he will begin to rejoice in the world around him, his successes, and feel gratitude to his assistant.
In addition, there are many other equally effective methods of assistance to "difficult children", and a large number of support centers.