They say that love is egoism together ... And this egoism manifests itself very, very brightly: first you donate a little - a series of your favorite series or reading a book that has fascinated you, in order to spend more time with your beloved, then you are ready to exchange a meeting with friends for a meeting adoration ... and then rush to him at the first call at any time of the day or night, demolishing all obstacles in your path. And every year the relationship to the piggy bank of time "for HIM" migrates more and more time from the piggy bank of time "to myself and my friends." And it continues until everything is reduced to the ratio of 24 hours: 0 hours in favor of the man. Is this sacrifice justified in the name of love? Personal space - lot of lonely or constant need?
Agree, dear ladies, that freedom ends where necessity begins without desire. We are now talking not about the freedom that involves intrigues on the side, but about freedom when choosing which film to go to, what to do at the weekend or when to go to mom, for example. When the second half has nothing to do and he is looking for your society - this is a necessity without desire, habit, egoism ... In the brain this is laid down as inevitable, obligatory ... And the opinion of the beloved becomes decisive. It doesn't matter if you are married, just living together or just planning it. Gradually, you will not be able to assume that, say, you can go on vacation separately. But why not?
If you do not want to shrivel up and turn into a home piece of furniture, then your personal space should be protected from the moment of the birth of the union. How to do it?
Trust is a friend of understanding in a relationship
First, establish a trust relationship. You should trust each other and not give reason to doubt yourself. Be honest with yourself and your partner. This is necessary so that in the future he will not have any questions when you are going to spend the evening with your friends, wearing an extreme mini, or waving without him somewhere for the weekend. Explain to your beloved from the very beginning, explaining to him about the need to have that same personal space. Explain that sometimes you prefer to meet with him to lie at home with a magazine in your hands, not because you need him less than you do to him, but because it is sometimes necessary for your good mood, you want it so much as he sometimes wants to go with friends fishing or watching football. At first, most likely, he will complain, protest, but in time he will accept your conditions and see advantages in this for himself. After all, personal space should be in men.
Believe me, he will be sympathetic to the fact that you will sometimes allow yourself after work to wander around the shops, looking at the windows with new collections of clothes, or go to the coffee shop and slowly enjoy a cup of fragrant drink alone, pondering about something intimate. When partners understand “time for themselves”, the relationship only grows stronger and does not lead to a cooling of feelings. An independent choice of loyalty to each other is the key to strong, long-lasting relationships.
Be respectful to someone else's personal space.
Do not read letters addressed to you.
All of us were taught in childhood that it is not good to read other people's letters ... And now, in adulthood, we must not forget that sms, messages in ICQ or classmates are a taboo that you do not have the right to violate you, nor he. If you do not exchange passwords from each other's mailbox, this does not mean at all that you are hiding something. This is a personal corner belonging to one where you can gossip with your girlfriend or discuss something extraordinary, without fear of being ridiculed. So, do not forget about trust and respect, yes, yes, personal space.
Granny woman - not the limit of men's dreams
By the way, you can break it and excessive care. Of course, any manifestation of care is due only to good intentions, love and affection, but everything should be in moderation. Do not bother your beloved with regular recommendations on how to dress, so as not to catch a cold, what to eat, so that gastritis does not develop and the like ... He is already an adult boy and is able to decide for himself how it will be better.
Don't take someone else's
Personal space can be material. For example, the drawer of the table where your magazines are bookmarked on the right pages, documents, postcards, some souvenirs, a shelf in the bathroom, where your jars and tubes stand, a folder with files on your computer, where photos from a merry party are stored ... Everything This, of course, and so no one will touch, but the realization that it is only yours, warms the soul.
So, in addition to the general, get in the house "personal" shelves and drawers for you and for him. And let the order in his personal belongings be reminiscent of the situation in the city after the tsunami, do not touch or change anything there. Personal means personal.
Sacrifice in the name of nothing
Also, in no case do not donate without urgent need your studies, hobbies and work. He, most likely, will not appreciate this, and you will lose important things. Take some time to write a term paper or to fulfill an old dream, signing up for some lessons macrame. A couple of hours a day or one, but a whole day a week - then it will not be too much and limit your pastime with a guy. Over time, this will become a habit and you will find harmony.
So that it would not be unbearably painful for the aimlessly lived years, Take care of your personal space right from the start. So as not to blame your man for wasting the best years of your life on him, just don't let it happen. All in your hands! Remain in spite of everything and all the best to you!
Especially for womeninahomeoffice.com.ru- Olga Efremova