We are all very different. Each of us has our own habits, desires and needs. All this must be remembered when we marry. And then, throughout life, remind yourself of this every day. Understanding is not only understanding what the other person is telling you, but also accepting it as it is and recognizing its right to thoughts and feelings. And to give him the right to speak, even when his opinions clearly do not agree with yours.
How do you like to spend your free time? Shopping, cafeterias, cinema, walking tour, museums, exhibitions, walking with a girlfriend ... Most men do not understand such ways to spend their free time. They don’t understand why we like melodramas so much, how we can enjoy visiting an art gallery with an exhibition of abstractionists.
And we do not understand how to rejoice, sitting next to the TV and seeing how someone “successfully” broke the nose of the boxer in the ring. Do not understand their painful hobbies football and beer. And much more. But the main thing is not to understand how one or the other can like it, the main thing is to understand that your loved one is also a person. And you need to learn respect other people's desires. Every family member should have time for a loved one. A time when you do not need to think about how you look in the eyes of another, and whether your spouse condemns you.
Arrange "Day of desires"
In order to learn better understand your mate You can select one day every two weeks (in the conditions of the crazy rhythm of modern life, this is quite enough. If this day is more often, then everything will quickly disappear). Let's call this day "Day of Desires." Suppose, on the next weekend, arrange “His Day of Desires”, and in two weeks “Her Day of Desires”. Of course, this does not mean that on this day the “lucky” should abuse their desires, otherwise everything will turn into a quarrel. In the morning, agree on what the one wants whose wishes will be fulfilled today. Well, if you both have a day off on this day.
If this is "His Day of Desire," then agree to go to a football match, or to the cinema, but to a movie of a genre that he likes. And try not to get angry, not to argue and not to condemn his choice. Make him pleasant, and you will see how pleasant it will be for you yourself!
On "Her Day of Desires" think of something interesting for yourself beloved. Let him do the dishes today, and order food from the nearest cafe. Today, everything is the way you want. But too exploit your beloved spouse is also not worth it. Otherwise, on this days, the desires and end.
In short, these days you will try to get closer and learn understand and accept desires and interests of the other half.
Comfort in the house is also work
How to explain to a man that a household is work too? Talk to him, let him imagine that when he comes home from work, he will not sit at the computer to play and watch a movie, and will not even go to dinner right away. Let him imagine that, after returning from work, he still needs to free the sink from yesterday’s debris. And then get the raw foods (for which he ran after work) and make a delicious dinner.
There is one very wise Russian fairy tale. A man accuses a woman of her that he has been in the field all day, and she does nothing at home. And she invited him to swap duties for one day. She went to the field herself, and told him what to do with the housework. Chaos reigned at her return home. Chickens and pigs ran around the yard, the child is dirty, sour cream spilled. As a result, it turned out that she worked in the field all day long, and at home she even put everything in order. But it was worth it: the husband realized that homework is also work. It will not be superfluous if you find the text of this tale on the Internet and print it out to your man.
To gain mutual understandingjust need to share some duties. Let there be no “male” or “female” cases in your family. Divide them so that everyone does what he can do or what he likes. A man is not at all difficult in the morning, going to work, to bring along trash. And you have absolutely no reason to wait for him to change a blown bulb or tighten a loose nut on a chair.
Depending on the number of days off per week, select one day per week (at most once every two weeks). Let it be your and only your day. Go to the forest, barbecues, cafes, movies. Cook something unusual for dinner. If you have children, you can all go to the park, to the rides, cafes. You can recall the childhood and play with the baby in children's games. These days will bring you together very quickly.will lead to a full understanding.
Learn to communicate with each other
Stop, justifying yourself, blame the circumstances, evil bosses, nasty girlfriends, etc. Learn to be responsible for your actions yourself. Perhaps, knowing that you will have to admit your guilt, you will once again think before each unseemly act: to do it or not. And it will be quite wonderful if the spouse takes an example from you. Let not immediately, but someday he will get used. Yes, and you can always tell him that you are not dumping your guilt, let him learn.
Discussing some problem, remember - you are discussing a problem, not each other! Speak only about the subject of conversation. And if your spouse does not agree with you, try to accept and understand her point of view. Listen to. He has the right to his opinion, and at the same time it does not necessarily coincide with yours. Do not insult each other.
No need to assume that you are smarter. When you begin to teach your beloved, he immediately ceases to perceive information. This happens when he only hears your moral tone. You YOU CAN NOT teach him. It is the prerogative of the parents. You CAN advise him to prompt. Then there is a greater likelihood that he will hear you and the information that you are trying to convey to him.
Love to you, peace and understanding in the family!
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