It seems that only recently you have admired the chubby baby. But she didn’t have time to look around - and from a touching burly child the child turned into an aggressive rough teenager. Where did the dear boy go? Where did the little doll with curls go? The kids grew up and became teenagers. And with the children, the problems have grown. Family relationships are tight. Adults can not quickly rebuild their perception of a small child yesterday. What happens and what is the way out of this situation?
Definitely, do not go to extremes. It will be equally bad, and if you begin to forgive everything for a teenager, writing off everything at a transitional age. And wait for it to outgrow, and with age all problems will disappear. And it is not better to start keeping the teenager "in the fists of the feet", banning everything and controlling literally every step. The child will still do what he considers necessary and correct. Just you, most likely, will not know about it.
What do psychologists think about this? What is their advice to listen to?
1. First of all, a teenager in transitional age needs your tenderness and warmth. He needs it the same way he did when he was little. Maybe even more. He just may not show it. Tell your child more often how do you love him. You can think of affectionate nickname. Anything, if only he felt loved.
2. Adults should understand and accept age features of their children. To realize that they are interested in, what torments them, what worries. Remember yourself in the end. If it does not work, open the Internet. Now there is a lot of information about this.
3. Whatever happens you are always the support and support of your child. He must be sure that whatever situation happens, he will always find a true ally in you.
4. But with all the love, respect and support you can not put a teenager on his head. Do not diminish your authority before him. With all the good attitude towards the child, he must respect you and listen.
And now take a look at yourself. Do you always behave correctly in relation to your grown child? Is there any violence on your part? Humiliation? Do you allow yourself to insult a teenager? If all this is present in your family, then, most likely, all of his aggression is a kind of armor with which he fenced off from you and YOUR aggression.
Also, start the analysis from yourself. Ask yourself questions. For example, "My child is aggressive in communicating with me, but what is (what) am I in communicating with him?", "He does not listen about what I tell him. And I always listen to him?". You can think up the rest of the questions yourself, based on your own situation. And judging by the answers, draw conclusions. You can discuss this with a teenager.
We can justify that we do not pay a teenager proper attention due to lack of time. Of course, we work, we have a lot of problems. But you do not work around the clock and year-round! Everyone has free time for themselves. Then we relax on the couch, watch a movie or read. But, you see, it does not take half an hour. Two or three, at least. Sometimes we even devote ourselves to the beloved the whole weekend. So share this time with your child! Let it be half an hour, but he will feel that he and his problems you are not indifferent! It costs a lot!
See also: How does the transitional age in boys?
In addition, when communicating with a teenager, psychologists recommend to communicate in a low voice, uttering as few words as possible. The louder the tone of your timbre, the less likely it is that the child will hear what you want to say to him. Yes, and a large number of words spoken at once, perceived as a teenager with difficulties. Before something to remind or ask, clearly formulate the idea, cutting off all unnecessary. And only then start a conversation with a teenager. You'll see, the result will be much more efficient!
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