The famous bard Oleg Mityaev in one of his wonderful songs has the words: "Disappointing conclusions come to mind in the fall." This phrase very clearly reveals the condition of a man who has reached his life "equator". When it is time for autumn maturity, it is time to rethink values. And long sleepless nights, filled with reflections and admissions of their inconsistency, torment and torment their victim. Such a state is not even depression, but a real crisis. The midlife crisis in men has pronounced symptoms. We will talk about them today.
When does a midlife crisis begin in men?
No wonder this critical age is called the "fatal forties." Of course, the crisis does not come strictly according to the calendar on the day of birth. The time of its occurrence is in the range of 30-35 to 40-45 years. He unexpectedly rolls and proceeds at all differently, depending on the achievements of life at this moment. In general, everything is like a poet: "Already old age is near, but Lexus is not."
By the way, the availability of material benefits does not alleviate the situation. Paradox, but the higher the welfare of a man, the deeper the crisis can be. It would seem that a wife, children, good work, position in society, an apartment, a summer house, a car - what more could you ask for? In this very question lies the cause of the crisis. What's next? What to expect? The feeling that I was in a time loop, all days, like twins, are similar to each other and there is no way to get out of this circle. One thing remains - to live, sadly draining monotonous existence.
Those who, after reaching the crisis age, have achieved not very much in life, instead of setting life priorities aimed at achieving new goals, begin to blame for lost opportunities and ineptly wasted youth, sprinkling ashes on their heads, also finding no way out of the current situation. It seems that you did not undertake, nothing can be changed. It is this train of thought that can cause a sad ending. If a man can not understand himself and find a solution in the current family environment, then he may have new relationships as an attempt to correct life, starting everything from the beginning, or experience new vivid emotions and impressions.
How to understand that the time has come?
How to understand that it is he who is the crisis of 30 years in a man, what are his symptoms? In order not to miss the moment when you can help your loved one, understand, support him and prevent a rupture, be guided by the following signs and changes in the behavior of your man:
- a dramatic change in behavior, when the joker and the soul of the company close themselves and go into themselves and, conversely, the meekness becomes cheeky and in places even boorish;
- he has a desire to change jobs or activities, despite the fact that just yesterday he was satisfied with everything, and his work brought material and moral satisfaction;
- he spends all his free time with friends, goes into the lead;
- a man may unreasonably start spending large sums of money on impractical expensive goods, for example, buy a bike, equipment for underwater hunting, etc., arguing for this behavior: "we live once!".
What should a woman do?
Unfortunately, during a midlife crisis, men may want to leave the family. The logic of the reasoning is as follows: new feelings and love will renew the hateful and monotonous reality, will give the meaning of life will fill it with joy and desire to reach new heights. In such a situation, you need to mentally tune that it will not be easy, in fact, marriage has always been hard work. Think of your man’s present condition as a disease, and try to help heal, thereby preserving the relationship.
Here's how to behave:
- Go through the desire for total control, leave him some personal space. Fewer questions about his whereabouts.
- Take care of your appearance. This may be a radical change in the image. Your task is not only to attract attention, but also to generate interest.
- If you find out about his intrigue on the side or such assumptions have simply arisen, then you will be required to perform a feat. Do what you want, but keep yourself from looking for facts confirming his adultery. As if you are not provoked to the disclosure of this secret, do not give in, do not give him the slightest reason to justify their treason. Maximum exposure, attention to their interests and appearance.
- No tantrums and fainting. No need to blackmail him with children or family debt, do not make scandals. Calm and self-control.
- Do not emphasize once again the attention of a man to his crisis state. Believe me, he and so difficult, he himself understands the complexity of his situation.
- A crisis is not the right time when you can cry out to feelings, throw in reproaches and put pressure on emotions. As a result, to relieve nervous tension, a man can go to rash and rash actions.
- It is necessary to grope the line between obsession and the desire to support. During this period, you should not be much in the life of a man, but at the same time you do not need to be completely removed from him and left alone with himself in this difficult time.
- No need to pull it to the psychologists. The man is convinced that he must solve their problems on their own. Of course, if he himself wishes to visit a psychologist, support him in this.
- It is important that a man in this period did not begin to look for a way out in harmful addictions: alcohol and drugs. Try to keep it in reality, recalling the good and valuable things in life.
We are sure that your heroic efforts will pay off handsomely, and your marriage will sparkle with new colors. However, you will have to be patient, as the process may take a year or two from the moment of the crisis. Good luck and patience!