Love is a wonderful feeling, with the appearance of which life is filled with new colors. But, unfortunately, love is not always happy, sometimes it brings suffering. And often the girl does not understand that she herself is to blame for her torment, and not a bad fate or an unfeeling partner. Everyone determines his own state of mind - to enjoy or suffer from love.
Sick love story
Ira did not consider herself a beautiful and interesting girl, so she was sure that no one would ever fall in love with her. In fact, she was a very nice and natural girl, but did not understand this and always compared herself with the generally accepted standard of beauty. When any guy showed some interest in her, she immediately began to look for a trick. The whole team at her work knew that she was unrequitedly in love with handsome Anton, who was the favorite of all the girls. Everybody was aware of this, except for Anton, who always considered Irina a good friend. Somehow they were sent together on a business trip to another city, and there, according to the law of the genre, they started a novel. Anton liked Irina precisely because of her naturalness and lightness, which he did not find in other girls.
But Irina, confident that it was impossible to love her, began to torment herself with thoughts that Anton would definitely abandon her, and now he is with her just for the sake of sporting interest. She stopped thinking about her work, about her plans for the future, her life was reduced to one word - Anton. The boy's desk was in the review of the girl, and when any employee approached him, Ira started to almost beat him in anger. She demanded from her lover to see her all the time, and if he refused to meet her because of her employment, Ira hung around the house like a beaten dog and did not know what to do. The girl began to fall asleep with his sms, torment him with jealousy and make scandals over the slightest cause. At first, Anton treated this as a minor fad, but the last straw was when Ira broke into the restaurant where Anton was sitting with his employee, and threw a scandal at him, taking the girl for his mistress. After their break, Ira suffered from her love for a long time: she called Anton, constantly cried, and at night she sat on his page on the Internet. It is not known how long she would have continued this state until her friend advised her a good psychologist.
What are the causes of unhappy love?
Suffering in love arises from a state of dependence towards another person. - This feeling is like breaking a drug addict. The addict feels the need to constantly be close to the object of love, to follow his every step and make almost his own property. In severe cases of addiction, a girl can fully immerse herself in her suffering, she is not interested in anything but her beloved. All thoughts are occupied only by him, and at every opportunity she tries to mention her beloved. Stuck in such a relationship for a long time, the girl, considering such love as the norm in the future, will subconsciously strive for this form of relationship. Moreover, the word "love" for her is equivalent to the word "suffer", and if there is no suffering, then there is no love.
True love should give joy and positive feelings. When a person truly loves, he respects his partner and gives him freedom of action, and if the partner loses his love or grows cold, he will have to be let go. Love is a wish for happiness, even if a person chooses happiness not with you. When both love for real, they are comfortable to be around and if there are any quarrels, they do not overshadow all the positive moments in the relationship.
True love is not uncommon, and finding it is not so difficult. Simply, a person often fixates on sick relationships, and when real feelings come into his life, he measures them - I don’t suffer, it means I don’t like them, and deny such relationships, or suffer themselves in a relationship on level ground, as in the story Irina.
How to distinguish love from addiction?
What does a loving person experience? With the object of love, he is well, but in separation he continues to go about his business, and does not suffer without a partner. An addicted person tends to be constantly with a partner, without him he feels bad, in later stages his partners are already together and separately and badly, but they cannot part.
The life of a loving person is filled with confidence and stability, and when he recollects his beloved, he experiences tender warm feelings. Maybe you observed such a situation when a girl in love is getting prettier and younger in her eyes, literally infecting everyone with her inner radiance? She forgives all those whom she loved before, and wishes everyone the same bright and pure feeling. But this can not be said about a girl with addiction: her heart is filled with anxiety, fears, constant jealousy and resentment towards her beloved. The good, if it happens, is very short, and will still be overshadowed by her doubts.
How to find a balance?
Love is love, but a self-respecting and confident person will not reduce all their interests to the object of love. He continues to live as before, but at the same time enjoys the wonderful feeling of love that has visited him. If you notice that you are beginning to be tormented by thoughts about your beloved - take up all your free time, and then bad thoughts will not get into your head.
Any relationship is impossible without trust. In the end, you're not going to control every step of your partner all your life. Love implies unconditional trust, understanding and smoothing of many unpleasant moments.
Treat everything easier
Sometimes we should let go of the situation in order to protect our state of mind. Yes, it hurts to part with your loved ones, but this is not the end of the world. If you are fixated on your dependent relationships, then until you let them go, new real feelings will not enter your life.
See also:How to recognize love?
Love real bright love and do not draw an equal sign between love and suffering!