In the psychology of relationships, there is such an important rule - never, under any circumstances, do not share the negative with the younger ones in the family. And this rule works flawlessly in relation to the mother and child. By telling the child about their problems, parents overlap their ability to breathe freely and live their lives and stress the burden of responsibility. What if you are the same child?
Why not share the negative with children?
In fact, not a single child can bear the heavy burden of negative emotions of a mother on her back. It cripples him. He sees the most dear and close person deeply unhappy, even if the problems are trifling, because the child is unable to assess the degree of grief. As he worries about his mother, he realizes that he cannot help her, and this hurts him very much. As a result the child decides to take part in grief, "share" the pain with the mother and begins to suffer.
For example, a girl lives with a single mother and believes that if she marries herself, she will betray her, make her even more alone, so she decides to stop communicating with men. In the end, there are two loneliness. Another example is that a mother complains about lack of money and shares this with her son, and he begins to bring all the earned money to her. Or she buys something on credit, and draws it on her son, who also needs to feed her family. Children from an early age are often told that if they behave badly, their father will be imprisoned for this, the grandmother will die from a broken heart, and mom will fall ill. Then the children stop playing and become young "adults", deprived of the joys of childhood.
Conversation with mom
The function of parents is to take all the negative from their children. If they themselves give their problems to a child at any age (no matter how old he is: 6, 26 or 46), then he begins to carry this burden on his shoulders all his life. To prevent this from happening, our task, as children, is to stop listening to your parents. It is difficult, especially when you live with them in the same house, but this needs to be done.
A little easier when you live separately. It is important to learn how to talk on the phone. If mother lives alone, then, as a rule, she calls every day and starts talking without stopping. And you, as an obedient daughter, begin to listen, realizing that she has no one to talk to but you. You accept the position of "senior" and listen, listen, listen, feeling your responsibility. But after each mother's call with problems, complaints, negative emotions, you can not do anything. You planned to devote an evening to writing a story, walking with a loved one, or knitting mittens for a friend, but your inspiration was gone. It was as if you fell into a pit without windows and doors and found yourself in total darkness. No strength, no desire to do something, no joy and enthusiasm. It is even worse when you start to tear off all this negative on close people.
What should a child do?
You need to understand once and for all a simple thing: yes, mother is a dear and dear person, but you too are a close, most important person for yourself. Therefore, it is not necessary to be a "vest". If mom loves you, she won't cripple your life. If you love yourself, you will not destroy yourself. You should be happy, at least for the sake of mom, if it is most important to you. Make the decision to be happy and answer only for yourself.
If you are engaged in an important business - you create a new masterpiece in art or simply cook a dinner for your children with love - don't answer calls, even from mom. Important things for you should happen in silence, without interference.
If you feel that the conversation again comes down to a monologue of negative emotions, you can finish the conversation, hang up or simply go to another room (in person). And do not blame yourself for the fact that "did not listen to my mother." You are not obliged to open the doors of your soul for anyone who wants to pour black paint there.
If it's hard for you, let your mom just talk, and switch attention to something more pleasant. Think, for example, about what wallpaper to stick in your room, what to read today before going to bed or remember some good moments from your life together with your mother. So you will protect yourself from mother's problems. Another good way to protect your energy field is simple and affordable. rose visualization method.
With the next problem attack remind mom you're younger, you are a child. You can not advise her anything, because she is more experienced, so it’s better to consult with someone older.
Decided to be happy - be her
Understand, you can’t change your mother, but you can change your attitude to talking to her. You can share your thoughts with her, but do not blame her if she does not understand your point of view. This is her decision. And your decision is to allow it to be what it is, and at the same time to remain happy and take care of yourself from someone else’s negative. Take care of yourself!