This is a story about how different halves are, and how a person in a few years can spiritually grow and change in the Family. Grow up and learn to truly love. Love is not passion and pleasure, Love is a serious work on oneself in order to be together!
Interview provided by Irina, 26 years old, three children, 8 years of marriage!
Helena: Where and how did you meet?
Irina:We met at the university. I studied in the second year. We were introduced by a friend when we were going to go to a computer club to play Counter-Strike. He saw Dan and called him with us. I immediately liked Den, but he didn’t pay special attention to me (as it turned out, because he had a girlfriend. Then about six months we occasionally crossed paths in the park near the University. I met his friend.
A year later, he suddenly became very actively looking after me, or rather, trying to communicate with me. We had a lot of fun together: we skipped pairs (Dena had already been expelled from the University once, and he was recovering). Gradually, this intimacy grew into a relationship. It was very cool! We almost never parted half a year. He accompanied me home closer to midnight. And for another hour we could not part at the gate of my house.
In the summer, he went to his village, where his parents lived. And he came once a fortnight.
In September, the payback came - he was expelled. He had to go to the army. In the army for 2 years, since he did not finish the tower. He went to his village, I went for a month and a half like a zombie - life has faded. Then she decided that she needed to find a business and applied for a visa to America. I decided to go to work in the US in the summer, but he did not go to the army and returned in February. And I had no way back already. And I went to America for almost half a year. But from next year he recovered at the University and began to study with me in a group. Because he was expelled twice, and he missed the courses, in the end we caught up.
Helena: How many years already together?
Irina:Together for almost 8 years. November 14th will be 8. We met 3 years before we began to live together.
Helena: How did you understand that you want to be together?
Irina:We were together very easily and well. So easy that they almost stopped talking to someone else, we were always together and never tired of each other.
Well, the passion was breathtaking.
Helena: Have you ever quarreled and did you get to partings?
Irina:The first three years did not quarrel at all, and then I became pregnant. I did not want to live together, was not ready and saw that he was not ready either. But he was from the village, he had his own rules and they, along with my parents, insisted. I managed to hold positions only about marriage - we did not get married. And it started, we swore and quarreled every day. He wanted his life to not change, and I saw that it must change. He went to friends, drank and did not sleep at home, I cried. It was the last year at the University and I studied for two. He was broken in his extreme manifestation. A daughter was born, and we all swore and quarreled. Then they stopped, because love left me. I did not care.
Helena: The secret of how you put up?
Irina:At first they put up, because we were drawn to each other and we all forgot in such rushes. And then they barely put up, they lived in a state of cold war.
Helena: How did the appearance of children affect your relationship?
Irina:The children themselves had no effect on the relationship. Children led me to understand that you need to work on yourself, and not educate. Because you can not bring up another person. You can only teach him by example, in love.
Helena: Have you had hard times in your life and how did you overcome them together?
Irina:Hard times were long - a few years. We both tried to push through our Ego, did not want to understand the other. Both were waiting for changes from the other, but they did not see the log in their own eyes.
We were and are opposites. I am with the difficult character of an iron lady, he is with a light one. I am hyper-responsive, he is gouging. I am mature and calm outwardly, but with large emotional storms inside, he is emotional outwardly, but easily responding.
Much time passed before we realized that we need not to retrain another, but to learn from him. and from the extreme manifestations of both go to the golden mean.
Helena: How to keep the relationship so far?
Irina:It helped, perhaps, the desire to restore love. and the belief that no matter what, this man is my half.
Helena: Did jealousy take place in a relationship? If so, what did you do with it?
Irina:Jealousy was mostly his. But since I did not give reasons, it was not often and not so that we could assume that she is present in our relations.
Helena: What about passion?
Irina:Passion was the first three years. But she was with Love. Still, sex should be a continuation of love, not its substitute. And now we are learning to transform what this passion gives - energy- into something else. Although so far my presentation here is blurry, although at the level of sensations I understand where I would like to go
Helena: whatfor you Love and what allowed you to keep the relationship still?
Irina:In order to learn again to be happy, we tried together and try to realize important things.
- That everyone has the right to make mistakes, and he does it not from evil, but because he does not know how to do otherwise.
- That everyone has his own way, and each of us has the right to be any.
- That each of us is not perfect and we must not demand from the other to be perfect.
- That love does not make you addicted, love is the opposite of freedom. Addicted makes a sense of ownership. And it forces to demand and reproach. And Love - understands and loves not for something, but just like that.
- That everyone should be in his place. Woman-Woman, and, therefore, her task is not to manage, but to direct, not to indicate, but to trust and support. A man is a man. Reliable and responsible. But at the same time, everyone must take care of himself and allow another to take any other way.
Especially for womeninahomeoffice.com- Mercuriya