Can you relate yourself to the number of people who know how to live for today, not putting anything off for later? Do you often think that if you live in dreams all the time, life will pass by? If you want to learn to live in the moment, then read this article.
We love to look to the future, imagining a happy life. Actually for the sake of the future we work, we deny ourselves some kind of joy, then to enjoy the fruits of our labor. And we always believe that as soon as we overcome difficulties, we will live a full life!
Sometimes people are so much concerned about the prospects of the future that the present becomes just a rehearsal, as if preparing for a normal life. That's when i
- I'll get some money
- make a career
- will get married,
- build a happy relationship
- go on vacation
- I'll drop those extra pounds,
- get children
- then when the children grow up,
- change jobs
- I will change the image, etc.
The reasons are very different. But the fact is that a person misses the charm of the present moment, losing time to the distant distances of the future. Of course, it is commendable to have our goals and strive for them, but when our life turns into a waiting room, then we no longer live life to the fullest. Psychologists call this a syndrome of deferred life. With him, a person postpones all the joys for later, concentrating all his energy on one or several goals, while the ordinary joys of life pass by.
Who gets into this deferred life?
These include people who go right through to their goal, not noticing anything that is happening around. For example, they are workaholics who devote all their time to work, forgetting about friends, family and hobbies.
The second type of such people is always interested in other people's goals, but forgets about their own. For example, a woman with the birth of children devotes all the time to them, and thinks to arrange her life after they grow up, and takes the hopes of an illusory future. Or, for example, a woman is afraid to leave an unlucky husband, because she thinks that he cannot cope without her and hopes that he will soon come to its senses and make a good career for herself. Behind this lies the fear of failure and unwillingness to take responsibility for their own destiny.
The next type of people is constantly waiting for a miracle. They find a job that does not suit them in the hope that in time they will find a prestigious and suitable one for them. It’s the same with personal life, if something goes wrong for them, they are depressed, thinking about when a worthy candidate will appear who will paint their gray and poor life.
All these people are united by one thing, they do not live, but wait for the moment when everything changes for them and they will live a real life. What are the signs that you live, postponing everything the next day?
- You consider the future as the main part of life and orient all plans for it
- Events in the present you perceive as secondary
- Too in-depth immersion in thoughts about later life, and lack of action
- Frequent feelings of apprehension, indecision, and doubts about the choice
- Fluctuations in the selection of targets
- Self-indulgence: I will tolerate now, and then everything will be fine
- Excessive saving money for better days
- Excessive attention to someone else's life
- You meet with the wrong person, you work in a bad job and you are going to end this, but circumstances prevent you
- The suppression of their emotions, experiences
- Bust with emotions of guilt and shame
- Excessive control over the lives of people important to you
But what are the reasons for such a life, why do we replace our present with ghostly dreams?
- so we avoid solutions to real situations and problems, replacing them with difficulties in the future
- we live an irresponsible life, so we protect ourselves from guilt because of our mistakes
- do not fully invest in life, i.e. we leave all our resources for the future
- avoid emotional distress and intimacy
- protected from reality
So how to stop looking into the illusory life and live a full life?
- It is useful to make far-reaching plans and dream of a beautiful life. But let it be your starting point for your actions in the present.
- Plan your present, and do not dwell on any one area of life.
- Remind yourself often that life is not a rehearsal, and you will not have the opportunity to rewrite it. When you want to postpone something the next time, ask yourself a question, will I have a chance to do it later?
- Improve your present, starting with small things. Our future is always the result of the present, be more decisive in your actions - you don’t like work, change it boldly, have long wanted to do dancing - sign up in a circle, in general, begin to act.
- Use all the chances that the present day gives you, because fate may not provide a chance.
- Remember that every day is a real opportunity that you can use now, as opposed to the distant future.
- When making a choice or committing an act, ask yourself why and who you are doing. Most of your actions should be aimed at improving your life, and not others. It is not necessary to sacrifice your life to someone, besides perhaps another person, it is absolutely not necessary.
- Do not take responsibility for the actions and hopes of others, and do not allow anyone to use you, even if it is a close person, everything should be in moderation.
- Distinguish mutual help and support from manipulation.
- Let your emotions out if you want to show some kind of emotion right now, no matter how bad or good, do it without delay.
- Be honest with yourself, determine what you do not like your life and start to change it.
- Rejoice each day lived, tell people how you feel towards them, not waiting for this comfortable session.
- Write a list right now what you would like to do. Think about what you can do right now? Surely for many desires you only need your own initiative.
Waiting, never bring us closer to happiness in the future, but only eliminates pieces of missed opportunities from our lives. Understand that there is no future, we ourselves shape it with our present. Here and now - these are the words that you should constantly realize and associate with your life with them.