Panic, excitement for any reason, a whirlwind of negative thoughts rushing through my head, confusion - in this state every little thing knocks out of the rut. Why do some of us have a huge impact even minor troubles? And how to learn to keep calm in any situation?
“I’m lost in any situation that is unexpected for me,” says 38-year-old Love, a teacher. “For example, if a phone rings and I cannot find it in my bag, if someone is standing nearby and waiting for me to devote time to it. At home, I’m panicking that the computer is frozen or going to work for a long time and I’m starting to be late. In such cases, I feel completely confused, I don’t know what to undertake and how to behave, so I’m doing ridiculous things. I look clumsy, scattered and funny. "
Psychology of Panic
So, what happens in this situation? If you recognize yourself in our heroine, then you should recognize that the cause of your panic is a feeling of fear and helplessness, a feeling of loss of support and fright, accompanied by thoughts: “What will happen to me next? Suddenly I can’t correctly resolve the situation and then the terrible : I have to endure shame, shame, humiliation. Everyone will understand that I am not punctual, not collected, I do not know how to control the situation and control myself. " There is a feeling of own insignificance, worthlessness, uncertainty, and with them - self-pity.
“How helpless and weak I am! And why do I always have no luck? I’m like a walking catastrophe,” you think. Imagination begins to draw frightening pictures about a bleak future: I have a jammed door lock, which means that I will spend the rest of my life on the street, I am late for work, it means that I will be fired, and I will have to stand on the porch with an outstretched hand to make ends meet and etc. That's exactly the kind of negative, terrifying thoughts we learn in childhood, when parents after some misbehavior put in a corner and say: "Now, think carefully about what your trick can turn into!" Familiar?
Excitement and self-esteem
Panic and an unexpected feeling of anxiety appear precisely among those who lack confidence in their abilities. Feeling that the situation is starting to get out of control, such people lose their composure and very much experience it. Psychologists say that this problem originates in early childhood. It is connected with the fact that the process of psychological separation of the child from the mother was not completed in time. The crisis of three years, when children begin to show independence ("Mom, I will do it myself!"), May not be passed by the child. There is a high probability that the mother did not feel loved and sufficiently necessary (the father of the child or her mother), and therefore at that moment she made the decision for herself to become vital to her own child. Most often, this decision is made by a woman unconsciously. The child never left his mother, so instead of leadership, independence, initiative and curiosity, we got a feeling of helplessness, insignificance, guilt, pity and shame.
Such an insecure person seeks support and cherishes the hope that someone strong will come, say "how to do it right" and solve all his problems. Therefore, people in a panic rush to call close people (often mother), to run to the one they trust, with the question: "What should I do?". And when understanding comes from the other side, the person calms down and begins to think clearly ("Now I am not alone with the problem"). By the way, note that many of us consider it a stupid task to ask for help over trifles, thereby being afraid to admit our own helplessness. They are convinced that you can only apply for support for a good reason. And the need for attention is immense, so we begin to unconsciously create such reasons, although in fact this is based on the need to be loved.
What to do?
1. Learn to love yourself
To begin with, recognize that you do not love yourself enough, therefore you are looking for love and care in the outside world. Therefore, panic is just a way of telling the world: "Look, how weak I am! Protect me, give me support and support!" There is such a small secret: with great difficulty, you can get what is not inside you, because like attracts like. This means that if inside you have love for yourself, peace and confidence, then it will surround you everywhere - you will attract the love of others, situations that will show you how strong and balanced you are. Therefore, learn to love yourself! Learn to value yourself, respect and remain calm in any situation.
2. Give yourself the right to make a mistake
Do you think everyone is perfect? No one is born a great artist or sage. And not only in your life unpleasant situations occur. A person learns all his life, making mistakes, falling and getting up again. Remember this and stop demanding perfection from yourself in everything. Do not complain about fate, it is better to look at each obstacle as an exciting task to solve.
3. Separate the important from the unimportant
Most often, panic arises because of some trifles that you won't even remember in a month. Concentrate on those things in life that are truly important to you, and give little attention to the little things. It doesn’t matter that the tights were torn right at work, but the legs are intact. It doesn’t matter that she forgot to turn off the lights in the house, but she turned off the iron. It does not matter that the computer burned down, but there is time to read a book. Look everywhere positive and relate to the events of your life with humor!
If you have a desire to start working on yourself, read the book of the British psychotherapist Geoff Graham “How to become a parent to yourself. Happy neurotic, or how to use a biocomputer in your head in search of happiness,” containing a set of practical techniques and harmony-oriented exercises. Do not be afraid of anything! Believe in yourself, and you will succeed!
Especially for womeninahomeoffice.com - Katerina Sent