Mental attachments hold us tighter than any chains. And sometimes it happens that it is very, very difficult to break these ties. Of course, everyone copes with this in his own way: who goes into work with his head, who gives birth to a child, who turns to a psychotherapist ... But the task for all of them is the same: to find a way how, without suffering, to stop loving a man and let him go all four sides.
But what if?..
Women - creatures, living their emotions. And we are accustomed to solve all life problems through this prism of feelings and sensations. That is why, when a relationship ends with a partner or when it’s not worth starting this relationship, it can be so difficult to rationally accept the existing state of affairs and abandon their experiences. In other words, to clearly formulate the answer to the question itself: how to stop loving the person you love so much, and not be distracted by the continuous whisper of your own heart: "What if? ..". We will try to combine science with experience and develop schemes that will allow "to calm heart longing" and again begin to live a full life.
10 steps towards liberation
The first thing you need to convince yourself is that nothing will be the same as before. And the matter is not even that you need to find a solution, how to fall out of love with a person who does not love you or with whom you have exhausted relations. The bottom line is that you move to a new stage, move forward, and all the past must be left behind. The second task is to choose psychological methods or methods that will help to make an important step into the future.
In the first decade of the twentieth century, a school of psychology was opened in Germany, which presented the personality as a combination of individual structures - gestalts. Your situation must also be made complete gestalt. To do this, follow the scheme:
- Set a chair in front of you, imagine that the person you are trying to stop loving is sitting opposite. Of course, you can arrange such a meeting in reality, but it is unlikely that you can do it without unnecessary tears.
- Sit opposite and express all that boiled at the soul (why the relationship did not work out, what is it and your fault).
- Do not forget that in the series of reproaches you need to allocate time and memories of the good that was in your life.
Non-Aggression Pact of the Heart
Write and hang in a prominent place a contract with yourself that for another 2 (3) weeks you are allowed to cry and remember your loved one, without scolding yourself for it. And the next 2 (3) weeks for this lesson is imposed taboo. For the fulfillment of the conditions you rely new shoes, a trip to Paris or a box of cakes (this is a particularly valuable prize for those who refuse to sweets because of the diet).
Fill the void
Agree, when a pebble flies out of the buckle on your favorite sandals, you need to fill the void. So with the relationship as well: the person to whom your time, thoughts and care were devoted, no longer exists. So you have to think about how fun and to usefully spend the vacant time, what is new and interesting to occupy your head and to whom to direct the parental care.
Looking for a love object
American psychologists have developed a special strategy that takes women out of the state of manly charm. They ... fall in love with the patient, and then systematically do everything so that they are disappointed in the object of their feelings. You can search for such a model among good and true friends. This technology is especially effective if you do not know how to stop loving a married man. Noticing the flaws, emphasizing the negative manifestations of the object of passion, you quickly get rid of feelings for a person who does not reciprocate or does not want to sacrifice his usual way of life for you.
Popular wisdom says: "Everything is good in moderation." This is true for the senses as well. Scientists have found that at the time of stormy experiences in the body produces catecholomine, which controls emotions. When it is many, the person “burns down” from positive or negative experiences. But, when under the influence of external circumstances, the experiences fade away, the level of the substance decreases, and apathy sets in. To avoid this, maintain a constant level of love. For example, in itself. Buy yourself a gift, get a tattoo or go on a trip to your native country - whatever you like, to show how you are dear to yourself.
When a baby cries, there is an objective reason for this: he cannot independently provide himself with everything he needs, he needs a mother. But you are a grown man, and surely you cannot do without a nanny? Here are 4 options that will help you make sure that you are out of the age of sliders and bibs.
Blog of joy
Start a blog, LJ or notebook, in which you will write daily about the joyful events that have occurred. At the same time, each new entry is preceded by reading the previous one. When a whole diary has accumulated, who knows - perhaps you will write a whole book on its basis!
Wall of desires
On the wall or sheet of paper, visualize your wish list. Hang it in a prominent place and be sure to complete it.
The hero of Oleg Yankovsky in the famous film about Baron Munchhausen, climbing the stairs to the moon, said that viewers are too serious facial expressions. This is really a problem: with such mines all nonsense on Earth is done. So write a comic poem about your passion, draw a cartoon on it or make an epigram. The main thing - emphasize all its shortcomings.
Sign up on a dating site and start a conversation with the men you like. So you not only learn the fashionable type of communication, but also, perhaps, open a new page of your life. By the way, over the past 5 years, about 15% of couples who happily live together, met on the Internet.
We all know from childhood that you cannot command the heart. But if you connect a rational approach, humor and willpower, then you can find and try out a few techniques that describe how to stop loving and let go of a man without suffering. And in order to work effectively, you need to sincerely, firmly, forever ... love. Yourself