Jealousy between children

11-01-2018

In families with children, the concept of "jealousy" is a common occurrence. And if some children live this feeling in a very mild form, others develop such a global war so that even in adulthood they do not communicate with their relatives. Is it possible to avoid jealousy or its appearance can be used for the benefit of the kids?

First of all, think about the causes of jealousy. Many people tend to have a sense of ownership, but for children, “their own” is much more significant than for an adult. Perceiving themselves almost the center of the world, they are surprised to notice that not everything is subject to their interests. Along with physical growth, there is an understanding of certain relationships in society, the concept of "mine" and "alien". The task of the parents is to teach the child to preserve their individuality and at the same time to communicate with other people on equal terms.

Imagine the world of the eldest child in the family: all the attention of the parents was meant only for him. The sweets brought by other adults were served to the only child. With the advent of the baby, the behavior of people around begins to change dramatically: even with a small difference in age, the older one becomes “adult, independent”, they start to demand more from him, and give less in return. Naturally, deep attachment to parents does not allow to directly “blame” them in this situation. Therefore, the child’s dislike is mostly concentrated on the “rival” - brother or sister. The same, in return, realizing the need to share attention with someone else, develops a zealous attitude towards upholding their positions.

Is it possible to avoid extreme negative manifestations of jealousy? Of course yes! If a person in early childhood has learned to cope with his negative emotions, then in the future communication with others will be very easy. Therefore, it is so important that the family has not one child, but at least two: it will teach them to better understand the needs of others.

Practical tips for parents:

Accept the fact that the appearance of a newborn does not make an older child more adult. If you are not confident in your memory - note in the notebook the successes and opportunities of each of your children. Then, in the case of the perception of the “little” junior, look at your notes and think about how the elder was treated at that age.
Find the benefits of each age. Emphasize its seniority. For example: "You are older, you can watch a cartoon and eat chocolate candy. But the younger one cannot." In a situation where the elder begins to copy the behavior of the younger (after schooling, the pot suddenly leaves puddles on the floor again, refuse to eat independently with a spoon) check with him: "Do you want to be very small, like your brother? I can wear a diaper on you , but then you will not be able to eat sweet - it is impossible for him. And to watch cartoons too. " The older child will have a choice: to attract the attention of parents in the same way as the younger one does, or to feel more advantageous.
Praise every child regardless of age. If the youngest jerked his foot and you were able to skillfully fasten the pants - thank him for it. If the elder goes to the pot more and more confidently - note out loud that it is so great that he knows how to go to the toilet by himself. If the difference between children is more than five years old, then the reason for praise of a senior can be found anywhere: help in the kitchen, going to the store, doing homework yourself.
Protect each child, regardless of his "seniority". For example, when the youngest after waving his arms, smacked into the face of the elder, then it would be wise to say, "Ah-yay! You can't offend your brother (sister)!". And let the older generation can note that "he is not on purpose, after all." A two-month-old baby may not understand the meaning of words. But the elder will understand that his interests are also taken into account (he, even if he “accidentally” crushes the younger one, everything is right there in the cry “you can't be offended!”).