Quite often you can hear the division of people into pessimists and optimists. I do not argue, there are separate individuals who identify themselves as realists. And who do you consider yourself to be?
Before, I simply considered myself an optimist and didn’t think much about why I perceive the world that way. Sometimes when communicating with friends, we arranged "debriefing" about events in their lives and tried to find together something good. Not always possible. But it is rather because of their unwillingness to take a different look at the situation.
Most recently, my husband and I decided to make a beautiful children's room (we have two kids). My dad arrived with the help of leveling the walls. After a couple of days, we sit in the kitchen, have dinner together and the following dialogue takes place:
- So I came to help my son in repair. I spend two days working under the ceiling, doing "beauty." And not once did he come to me. How can this be interpreted?
- Well, he is working during the day. Late busy. And in the evening - not so much to walk in a dirty room.
- Look: after all, there are several other options. The first is that he was against my arrival (I was the initiator of the trip), so he doesn’t really want to communicate, so he doesn’t enter. The second is that he simply ignores me by himself, I don’t mean anything to him, he doesn’t interfere in business. The third is that he thinks that I will badly make repairs, that’s not the case, so as not to get upset.
- Dad, but at least one positive option is considered ???
- Of course! The first is that the son-in-law is busy making money for the family, so my daughter will be fed and dressed. Therefore, it does not enter that there is no time. The second one trusts so much that it does not consider it necessary to re-examine my work. The third one - respects my time and ability, does not enter, so as not to distract from the important process by talking.
- And what did you choose?
- Perhaps, that earns money plus trusts.
Further, we had a dialogue with him about how family relations depend on the perception of the situation. If, from the very beginning, I perceived in the "bayonets" everything that my mother-in-law does, we would never have developed a warm relationship. The ability to look at the same event from a different angle leads not so much to a realistic perception of the world, as to an optimistic attitude. After all, really: why see the bad right away?-
Dad suddenly showed me that a person can “wind” himself very much if he so wishes. Especially if there is time for thoughts and cultivating grievances. But a simple positive attitude is changing the world around. Probably, this is what the expression "Can't change the world - change yourself!"
From my practice I can give advice, which I have been following for many years: no matter what happens, try to find 7 positive sides. I do not argue, at first it can be difficult, but in the future this will happen automatically.
I will give examples of situations from my life:
- The owners of the apartment we rented were unexpectedly asked to move out before the end of the month (and this is at the beginning of February !!!). It would seem that the situation is terrible (we paid a little here, we definitely would not have found the same conditions). But, immediately the thought came to my mind: "This is our chance to change the area of residence to a more convenient one, this is an opportunity to expand living space, an occasion to phone with friends and acquaintances. In general, it’s good that they gave at least a month. Even better, what was said after the celebration birthday - although the festive mood was not interrupted by thoughts where to move. "
- A friend rode a scooter on a wet road. The woman began to run across the road in the wrong place. While braking and twisting the steering wheel so as not to knock it down, flew over and over and eventually broke the collarbone. What can be positive? I told his wife when she fled to the hospital in frustration and didn’t know what to do: “He is alive? This is the most important thing !!! And also, not in prison, because he could knock a person off. He broke only the collarbone, although it could damage the spine and don't get up on your feet. Shortly before you dropped you off, you see, you are whole - this is also good. The coming month will be more at home (because of the hospital), finally you will be together in the evenings. "
It may not always be clear what can be good. But remember: "It would not be happiness, but misfortune helped!". And may your life be striped like a rainbow: shine with new colors every time.
Especially for womeninahomeoffice.com - Katerina